How to stop intervening family members
If there’s one thing we’ve learnt, and one thing that every bride and groom has said in our Real Wedding Features, it’s to let your day be YOUR DAY. But as wedding planning is an exciting time for everyone, not just you and your partner, unfortunately, this sometimes means certain family members can border on obsessive. There can be a fine line between caring and overbearing and some people don’t always know when they’ve crossed it.
But don’t worry, this doesn’t always have to lead to the awkward ‘back-off’ conversation, there are other things you can do to stop intervening family members before it gets too unbearable.
If you have someone overstepping their mark in your wedding planning, grab a cup of tea and follow this advice to stop them taking over completely.
Who is paying?
If those getting too involved are the ones paying for the wedding, you need to respect that they will want to know where their money is going. If you are going to be taking money from someone then make sure you know the terms. Although this is a great gesture, it’s important to treat this more as a business transaction so you don’t get any surprises. Is it a loan or a gift? What control does it give them? If in doubt, pay for the parts you want to be in control of.
It’s your wedding and you’re an adult
Family members can get protective and may want to help solve all of your problems. Politely explain that you can take care of the problems that arise, which leads us to…
Careful what you share
You know the old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’? It doesn’t work with everyone during your wedding planning. If there is anything you are unsure of, be careful with who you share your thoughts with, feelings can get hurt if you don’t take their opinion. That’s not to say you shouldn’t discuss things with those close to you, they may be able to see things you haven’t but try not to voice all of your uncertainties out loud. If you’re stressed over every little thing in front of certain people, they might think it’s ok to do it too.
Stick to the positives
If you are sharing, choose to speak of the positives rather than the negatives. This way, people around you will think you have everything under control and won’t need to step in. A good start is talking about the things you agree on. Also, keep a united front with your partner from the start to show your decisions are firm together.
Get them involved
Give your intervening family member a job to do. What are they good at? What is something you know they’ll do right? Sometimes it’s not about taking someone out of your wedding, but putting them in the right place. Utilise their skills and make them feel included, this way they won’t have time to focus on other aspects of your planning. Also, make sure all respective families are involved to avoid any tension.
If they’re persistent
If they are being stubborn about a certain point, tell them you’ll think about it. It’ll lead to more arguments if you dismiss them straight away by saying no.
Sometimes all the hints you put someone’s way aren’t recognised and if it gets to the point where something a bit more obvious has to be said, have someone else do it for you if you think it will be better received this way. Somethings it will be less blunt coming from someone who has the right to talk to this person, such as a close family member like a sibling or aunt. If you don’t feel comfortable with this, then just be honest, take the person to one side and let them know that you need their help by them just letting you take control of the situation.
Remember what the day is really about
This is your wedding day and those getting involved is just a sign that they care. Make sure you spend time with them individually to show them that you appreciate them in your life and communication is important each step of the way.
Keep reading for our next Isle of Man wedding blog post below.